You made me see my weakest moments after you left with no explanation.
Thank you for making me realize I could build myself back up.
Text
I can’t make your heart feel something that it won’t.
Text
Not Quite to an Old Love
Yes, I do see you staring at me. Yes, I want you. Yes, I’m in a long term relationship. Yes, I love him. Yes, I lust you.
via Dear Old Love.
Text
Untitled.
Used to steal your parents’ liquor
And climb to the roof
Talk about our future
Like we had a clue
Never planned that one day
I’d be losing you
In another life
I would be your girl
We’d keep all our promises
It’d be us against the world
In another life
I would make you stay
So I don’t have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away
I really honestly never thought you’d just leave, not like you did. I know at the time you left, I was otherwise involved but not to the extent that I am now. I’m remembering the disillusioned dreams I had of us further down the road. They never included you dying. I had grown to expect strength from you and in the end it caused you to succumb to the ultimate display of weakness. I’m sorry if you thought you were ready to die and I’m sorry that you couldn’t see the love that the world has for you. I don’t know if there is a god out there but if there is, I’m sure it was not the will of said god for you to end your life. Playing god is never advisable, Jt.
I wish you’d let it play out, settle itself. You were just about to get everything you’d ever wanted. I suppose you never expected the emotional storm caused by the winds of change.
This is the first time I’ve said any form of the word “death” concerning yours. I’m feeling angry with you. The song brought it out. I’m sorry. But I suppose I am accepting it as well. I can’t use the other appropriate phrases but I am accepting “death.” You died at your own hand. You are dead. Forever.
As long as you are gone, so will my grief go on.
Also, my love.
Photo
“I’ll be doin’ my best and I’ll see you soon.”
A week from Saturday, I’ll be celebrating my first Christmas since you left. I miss you so much. I keep that picture in my car so that when I get sad I can always see your face and I don’t have to remember how sick you were in the end. You look so happy, healthy, young. I hope you see your strength in me. It takes a lot to push through times like this without you. But I try to imagine that you can see me and that you’re proud of me. I would trade my life to see you again and to hold your hand.
If you’re there, please tell my granddaddy I love him. And tell him my brothers are ok. He’d be so proud of Michael. And I hope he’d be proud of me. I love and miss you both more than can be expressed with simple words.
P.S. thank you for telling me you’d be going. I needed time to prepare. Thank you for the strength that you taught me in doing so. Thank you for your smile and thank you for your love.
Text
For some reason it upsets me that you’re hurting. Although you did the same thing to me, no reason and no explanation, it hurts me to see you ping through it, especially since I know first hand how it feels.
I’ll be here.
I’ve kept that promise. Always will.
